Thursday, May 31, 2007

Whose Gain, at What Cost ? - II

This is India. On one hand we are competing with and aiding the best of the world in the fields of medicine, technology, humanity, beauty etc. and on the other hand we are struggling within ourselves against the dowry system, child marriages, child labour, Sati pratha and many such social diseases which are still hollowing our society.

In India, even now it is common to see marriages where bride & groom hardly get to know each other before their wedding (sometimes they do not even see each other) or a husband throws out his wife for not bearing a male child or where sex education is still a taboo.

This is in continuation of my earlier post where I wrote about a woman who died on the operation table to fulfill her husband’s wish.

Now, the next case was a horribly shocking one for me. I fail to understand why some men treat their women as commodities, a toy which can be played around at their capricious whims and fancies. I don’t have words to describe this woman’s situation. Three months have passed by; it is still haunting me terribly.

As she was being shifted to the adjoining bed from a wheeler bed, I could see her writhing in pain. A newly wed bride (it was third day of her married life), her hands adorned by still fresh mehndi (henna) and tinkling bangles. Her off white saree was fully soaked in blood.

Reason ? A man who happened to be her husband, who had pledged in front of sacred fire to take care of her happiness and safety; could not control his desire to ‘conquer’ her and pounced upon her like a beast. He didn’t want to waste a single moment after the wedding. After two days of continuous rape, there she was lying in almost unconscious state accompanied by her mother-in-law. That monster didn’t even have guts to come to the hospital.

She was immediately shifted to operation theatre and was given thirteen stitches to her private parts. Her family at Ajmer was not informed as this was ‘nothing’ according to her dominating mother-in-law who obviously wanted to defend her son. She was continuously cursing the bride for not ‘co-operating’ with her son and making it such a hue & cry.
Without letting mom-in-law know, I somehow managed to speak to her busy doctor about hospital filing a complaint but on what basis, the doctor asked me. It was neither any accident nor the husband had beaten the patient. The hospital has its own set of rules before taking such steps. The police case could not be filed unless the bride herself complains. What a mockery !!

For the fear of arising of such a situation, the mother-in-law never left the patient alone. I was very bluntly told to mind my own business. I myself was going through a tough testing time then, did not want to multiply my problems. Could no longer stay there, asked Suhani if I could go home and came back saddened.

Probably I am selfish to the core and a coward as well.

Later, I came to know that the mom-in-law took her home the same evening... only to be attacked again by that beastly creature who was waiting there.

My heart aches.
I can see one more death in near future.

Think of it. With what dreams that bride must have come to her new home – a home full of strangers where she wanted a little love and a place to blossom.
Sometimes I do not want to believe in the institution of marriage.

Current song- Zindagi Tune Hume Kya Diya, Kuch Bhi Nahi – Jagjit Singh

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35 comments:

Alok said...

only solution is, empowering weaker sections of the society with education !!

desh said...

sad but it always happens
domestic violence is much more than a problem, its a problem which has been somehow too to tightly coupled with our culture and tries to hide behind it.
i cant think of solutions, if u try to twitch one end, u may fall on th other, but its confusing tht wht can we do?

SiD said...

A whole lot of ugly abuses were doing rounds in my mind reading this...
cant write them so will just say
@#@@%$@!%$$%@^^@%$$@

it is beyond the capabilities of my mind to fathom how somebody can do a thing like this...
on one hand I think taking somebody's life is heinous and on the other hand incidents like these make me feel like killing such ********

Peter said...

And there is nothing the poor woman can do, I suppose?

Although there are women being violated here in western Europe also, the situation here is generally quite different. But there are also here communities with their own traditional rules and they neglect our common rules and laws and what I would could "normal human behaviour".

I trust and hope that things will take the right direction, but you say that the forced marriages are getting more and more common?

I have some Chinese friends and I understand that, at least in the provinces, most marriages are there still arranged and they also have the problem of only one child, meaning that the girls are somehow "disappearing".

To be forced to arranged marriages is already one thing, violence is something even worse and should never be allowed.

I understand the difficult situation socially and family wise, but, in case, are there no laws in your country against this kind of abuse?

Keshi said...

How did the criminal get away with it all????

Keshi.

sam said...

Well..... This is most unfortunate. Frankly speaking I'm numbed..... it actually reminded me of a statement by a friend of mine "God is probably a man, thus all pleasures for men, and pains for women!!" I couldn't argue with her...... Nah!! chuck it can't write it all here.....

Do you know or are in touch with any organisation or even some scribe at a prominent agency.... they can tell you whom to approach!! All that they would need to do (a mammoth task here!!) is to get to teh girl and get her to file a complaint..... And let law take its course.... get her to file for divorce.... trust me its not so difficult... she can start life fresh.... the scars will remain... at least the wounds may heal!! Am already helping a friend out of a similar trauma of a bad marrriage.....

@Peter: there are laws, unfortunately there are too many loop holes too!! that is teh saddest part!!

Dust Unsettled said...

As per the survey done by the UN, two-thirds (nearly 70%) of Indian Married Women face domestic violence, see this article

It's these Women who need empowerment... through spreading awareness, education, jobs, empathy...

A very good poem in Adi's blog narrating the truth...

Bendtherulz said...

Another instance where a person needs to prove that he can subjugate the other human. SICK...!!

And lets not even talk about our laws...they are good to tie our own hands....!

Iceman said...

may god protect her... i pray...

don't know wot else 2 say!

bachodi said...

Very unfortunate. I guess there will be lot of such cases. The reason this evil ( domestic violence ) exists for simple one reason , women think “pati - bhagwan hota he “. They day come out of this feeling they are free.

Maverick said...

that is really pathetic. a wife being raped by her own husband. i can understand ur situation. such situations make me feel so bad abt myself

The Black King said...

It still comes under rape, you know --- there have been cases in the supreme court where such cases have been ruled in favour of the victim.

Cuckoo said...

Alok,
Tell me, What do you mean by weaker section here ? Then probably I’ll like to discuss.

Desh,
I agree. But I don’t think anything is confusing… we just need to have a right mindset and proper education. Education to people for their rights as well.

Sid,
Yes, you can imagine what I was going through then. I felt like killing that b*******

Cuckoo said...

Peter,
There are laws but there are loopholes too.

And yes, that poor woman could not have done anything.

Here in India, right from our childhood, we women are taught to be humble, adjusting and forgiving for the sake of our families & society.
Most of the times (I am excluding the metros or bigger cities), we marry a person chosen by our elders. I can not call them forced marriages. More than 90% of women are virgin at the time of wedding.

Also, since sex education is a taboo here (many states are not for it, in spite of increase in sex crime rates), women (specially in villages) are not that educated about sex. Together combined with male dominating society where the man treats his wife as a showpiece, we get to see such cases.

Keshi,
It happens many times. Not new. :(

Cuckoo said...

Sam,
How very right was your friend !!

No, I am not in touch with any such organization. It didn’t happen here. Was on a visit to another city.

And that indeed is a mammoth task… looking at the factors such as dominating husband & mom-in-law, girl in a new place with no one to look upon, family & society pressure to bear all… in fact many such things.

I hope she is ok.

Dust Unsettled,
It's these Women who need empowerment... Well, I think not only women.. men also need to go for some education… about how NOT to behave with their women & what is the true meaning of marriage.

Yeah, that’s a very nice poem. I have read it before. :)

Cuckoo said...

BTR,
Sometimes I feel the laws (with the loopholes) are there only to fool us. Majority of the people are ignorant of them anyway. All with ‘chalta hai, hota hai’ attitude unless it happens with them.

Iceman,
:)

Cuckoo said...

Bach,
Yes, there are many such cases around us. And very right…. We women need to come out of the thinking of “our man is our God.”

Maverick,
Thanks. I was almost hysterical and then completely shaken by that incident.

Cuckoo said...

The Black King,
Welcome here on my blog.
Well, the no. of cases going to courts are very less compared to those which don’t get registered.

Thanks for dropping by. Keep visiting.

david mcmahon said...

Hi Cuckoo,

Powerfully presented. It's not a situation we would wish on anyone.

Take care

David

Mumbai Guy said...

If you open any national newspaper like timesofindia.com, or for that matter any newspaper around the world, you will see all kinds of issues. And most of them are beyond any sane thinking.

This week, we are flooded with Rajastan riots for competing to go backwards.

If you think of it, how many of us are working to bring a social change in world. We go behind closed doors watching televisions and cry in pain only when it comes to directly affect us.

I had a hard time this vacation, trying to educate people to give up drinking and put thier children to school. It is mostly frustrating but we all should try to make a change. Education imparting would be the answer but this needs mass participation.

Marriage is still a nice institution. Just because few pupils are devils doesnt make institution as whole a suspect.

Pijush said...

I am numbed and dont want to comment..

But I still agree with the Mumbai Guy Marriage is still a nice institution. Just because few pupils are devils doesnt make institution as whole a suspect.

GMG said...

I'm also numbed with the story! Knew about «arranged mariages», domestic violence, but this... there is surely something that must be done!

Irresistible Desires.. said...

educate thm...

agar angootha hi dikhate rahe to kuch nai hoga...

we need education..!!

niki sato said...

oh god!! how can man became sooo cold?? *tear*
ive been interested in the institution of marriage lol
maybe i shouldnt have a look at their website. haha!
thanking u cuckoo-chan and have a wonderful sunday!!

ozlady said...

When I was doing my masters, we had a subject called Industrial Relations in an International Context. One of the assignments we had to do was on human rights violations. We had to either find an example of a society that was exemplary or in violation.

I chose Australia, thinking we were ok, and to my dismay I found out that we are a large human rights violator in the area of the rights of women - physical, mental and professional.

It's a woeful thing when abuse of this nature happens. I've seen similar abuses in Australia and it makes my heart just break.

I guess the point of this comments is to highlight that it's a world problem, not just an Indian or Australian problem. And all who read this and are shocked think what can I do?

I know I still am wondering 'What can I do?'

Princess Banter said...

I hear ya -- regarding the monstrosity that has become of the institution of marriage. But old habits die hard, I guess. I still believe in it perhaps in efforts to revive what it truly means.

Ash said...

God, thats terrible!

Aashi Joshi said...

crap!!!.....its soo heart wrenching to realise that these things still exist it always did exist only never questioned b4. marital rape of little girls were common and considerd normal...wat more these girls revered those monsters urf husbands and kept them in pedestals all thier lives. funny dont you think.

yes it is sad tht such things happen...but the best part is that now these things have started to be questioned..thts the most amazing aspect in todays world they had alwys existd yes but the realisation has finally come up..its a diffrce its a step towards positivities....

and yes cuckoo i dnt think i cudv dun nething eithr and it does sicken ones pride to knw tht v cant do anything abt it.

lord bless the woman n i hope things work out for her..

Jeseem said...

this is so wrong.
gosh, stupid guys.

shark said...

How horrible can people get!
I really want to ask that husband.. what did he gain from this?!!!!!

Ranjeet said...

Cuckoo, this is a real sad picture of life we wish no one to face. The criminal husband and his mother (!) shuold be brought to justice and punished severely. Until someone speaks up and does something, this will continue as it has for centuries in the 'India Shining' of ours! :-(

mathew said...

**** uh!!! disgusting man!!hope he is not left unpunished!!

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Sweet Lady, I am foreign to your land, but do not think India is the only where place abuse abounds.

Consolation lies in knowing that for every one monster, a thousand good people stand - don't ever lose sight of that, or of your outrage, it is what gives us all hope!

Enigma said...

it is very cruel indeed :( i wonder if by fikling complaint teh problem wuld be solved. it would worsen instead. some one should go have a converstaion with that guy and amke him understand that waht he si doing is not right but again its hard to modify some one over night. yet has to be tried

Catmoves said...

I read this story in mounting horror. There can, of course, be only one conclusion to it and I do not intend to go into that.
This is not a boast about women's protection in the U.S., but all our states have laws regarding rape (which is what happened) and jail sentences are regularly handed out to such men.
A suggestion might be to contact influential women in government and ask them to look into how the Yanks handle this vicious brutality. Perhaps they could influence other law makers into offering some kind of nation wide protection for women.
I know it might be an uphill fight, but remember, there is power in many voices raised for the common good.