Differently Strong

1. A student named John aged 14, jumped off the fifth floor of his school building. He left a five-page note that said he was killing himself because his classmates tormented him with names like gay and teased him for his growing beard so early in life. He had never told his mother about this.
2. Another 13 year old, Minakshi hanged herself with a dog leash in her bedroom. She too left a note for her family. It read: “If I try to get help, it will get worse”.
3. A young boy of seven refuses to go to school and when forced, starts crying.

What do you think these cases could be ?

These are nothing but the cases of bullying.

I think I was also a victim of bullying although in a subtle manner. Yes, I think it was bullying, else I don’t know what to call it. And like the people mentioned above, I too had never told my mother about it. BUT I survived.

Not early in life but in college. She was with me in college, my classmate but very different from me. She was strong, outgoing, party loving, extrovert, ‘I care a damn’ attitude, ever ready to go out with a new guy, flirt, smoke etc. Sudden disappearance for 2-3 days without telling her folks was her way of life.
I had none of those ‘qualities’. The only common thing between us was intelligence. We both were intelligent. While my intelligence showed some results in academics, her intelligence was doing a good job in her fields of excellence.

I am unable to recall how it all started but now I think she was jealous of me & hated me largely. The reason was very simple.
She hated it to the hilt when any guy (same batch or senior) ignoring her, approached me to be friends. Of course, I was much better than her in physical appearance (pun intended) and studies but she wanted to be “The most wanted”.

The guys (oh, they are guys after all, can’t blame them) used to make silliest of excuses to talk to me… notes, library, lab, bus, cricket, songs, home…anything. That bothered her. In particular, she was conscious about 7-8 guys (three of them our seniors), who had not shown any interest in her and were always ready to help me in any manner whether I needed any help or not. :)

I was always getting the compliment of being a girl whom a guy would love to take to his parents to meet. It was all intolerable to her.
She started calling me names, making fun of me in front of her group.. for every little thing where she thought I could not match her. If my new dress was appreciated by others, it was her job to call it atrocious. My dresses, sandals, hair, handwriting, my name, my feminine body, even my being a front bencher.. everything was hit upon. She tried to attack me whenever I was alone.

Not that I was from a village or a small town or my views were primitive. My views were more advanced, contemporary & matured than her; all my friends irrespective of their genders were welcome to my place unlike her. Though we both had visited each other’s places on some occasions and I had even bought cigarettes for her many times, there was something in me which she hated terribly. Somehow we were never on the same platform.

Now when I think back, it was a difficult time for me. Though I felt hurt most of the times, I kept quiet. Oh yes, sometimes I answered her back in simple words “Not that I can’t do it but I DON’T do it by choice”.

There is much more to say here but the gist is “I SURVIVED”. Survived the bullying without anybody's help, not because I was strong, but differently strong.

What is bullying ? Bullying usually involves one or more people teasing, being violent towards or harassing somebody on an ongoing basis.

The most common form of bullying is name-calling. Children call others names for many reasons: short or fat, a different skin colour, or a physical disability. Victims are often smaller or weaker, shy and insecure than average.
Boys bully more than girls, and the tormenting is more often physical. In girls, bullying often takes more subtle forms but this can be every bit as painful as physical aggression.
Many parents are unaware of the happenings as it mostly happens when the person is alone and the person experiencing bullying may be scared to tell anyone or feel ashamed about being bullied.

Who are bullies ? The children who receive more forceful, physical discipline from their parents, view more TV violence and show more misconduct at home are more likely to become the bullies. Bullies often want people to look up to them, and they try to achieve this by acting tough. Their behaviour is usually initiated to create status for themselves. They are often unhappy, immature and unpopular in school, but other kids may associate with them out of fear rather than friendship.
Many boys who have been bullies continue their style of behaviour in later life. As adults, they are at increased risk for criminality, marital violence, child abuse and sexual harassment.

Indications that a person is being bullied could be:

Lack of motivation
Vagueness around certain topics
Unusual behaviour
Physical injuries

What to do if you think someone is being bullied

Talk to them - It is a good idea to talk to the person you think is being bullied to find out what is going on with them. Try to remember that the person you are talking with may be very sensitive about the situation and may be scared.
Let them know you care - Help them feel good about themselves. If a person is being bullied their confidence may be low and they may feel lonely. It helps to let them know that you are a friend and care about them. It can often help to point out all the great things they have to offer to help them to feel good about themselves.
Include the person into your group - Making a special effort to include the person in your group may help to increase the person’s confidence.
Stick up for them - If you see someone is being bullied it may be helpful to stick up for them but take care to ensure that in trying to do so you don't make the situation worse or put yourself in danger.
Speak to someone - Letting someone else know about the situation may help you to solve the problem. A teacher, counselor or another adult could be helpful people to talk to. It may also be helpful to involve the person experiencing the bullying in this process. Together you can go and talk to someone about the situation.

And in the end, try to make that person differently strong.

Current song- Pour que tu m’aimes encore – Celine Dion

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