Wednesday, September 27, 2006

CRY Man, CRY !!

Is it right if men cry sometimes? That too in public? Yes, I am asking you.

After all, they are also human beings with all the same emotions as we women have. Then?? Then what’s wrong? Then where, what and why is the difference? What is keeping them to withhold their emotions?

Millions of times I must have heard this being told to opposite sex irrespective of his age “Hey, you should not cry, you are a man”.

While males and females have the same emotional capacity, they are taught very different lessons about how to handle their emotions. As we approach school age, all of us are made aware, "Big boys don't cry." And we small girls also start believing that, many times telling our “boy” friends how they should behave. Furthermore, we never see our dads and big brothers whimper every now and then.

Right from the beginning from his very early days in life, the male kid is being brainwashed of being a male. All people around him teach him only one lesson.

You are a boy, going to become a man..a strong man. You are NOT supposed to cry or weep or even show your emotions in public.

To enforce that embargo, those who couldn't hold back the tears had to endure the humiliation of being called a "girl”, a "sissy".

But where do the tears go? Where do all these emotions go? Sorry to say, they don’t disappear. They are still there, causing havoc. Is it because these men have held it in so long to believe that if they cry the tears won't stop? Perhaps the men just cry on the inside.

But why???

It really beats me. Look at this helpless, powerless, weak, self-emoting man. Why can’t this father moan openly at the sight of his son’s dead body? Is he not human or doesn’t he possess any emotions? Why are we after him to hide his true self? Why can’t he be normal?

Now, look at this famous picture of a young man during Gujarat riots.
With folded hands, crying profusely begging for his life. Do you think he was doing something terrifically wrong which he shouldn’t have done?

Emotions are to be felt, not acted on. As long as they are suppressed, we are tense and flustered. Most emphatically, suppressed emotions interfere with clear thinking. Ironically, in trying to control their emotions, most men wind up controlled by them.

If you happen to know cricket, do you remember Kapil Dev crying on TV when he was responding to the allegations of match fixing? That face of his is still fresh in my mind. I had also become tearful that time. When I can shed tears by just looking at the TV screen, why can’t he, who had gone through such pains, do that?

And again, recently in one of the talent search programs on ZEE TV, he almost cried.

What do you think of such fearless fast bowler of yesteryears? Or of all those firemen who broke down after rescuing people from the Twin Towers after 9/11 ??

But the truth is that a man feels trapped in an oppressive role that does not allow him the opportunity to freely express what he wants to. In other words, being a man has become very limiting and constrictive.

He is not suffering from a psychosexual compels, one of those women-trapped-in-men's-bodies syndromes. No. Nor is he homosexual or bisexual. Instead he is a man who wants the ability to express emotions and feelings as openly as the next woman.

The persistence of the emotionally alienated male addresses the political and social implications of male emotional release. Psychologists believe it is important to have a good cry. It is a proven fact that crying performs an important function by releasing stress hormones. And perhaps that is the reason why men are so angry, so restless and so helpless at times, a sheer psychological effect.

Anger is the most common emotion expressed by males. That is because men and boys feel more accepted by society when they express anger over what is considered to be the more ‘feminine’ emotions.

Why do so many men lose their tempers? The rage comes because there's so much frustration within. Yet that's what men do, the trap is worrying about what others will think - that it will lower their status or esteem. For men, the control of passions is the essence of masculinity and gentility. And that is the most pitiable picture today.

We all need to change it...change for better human emotions and understanding.

So guys, it is perfectly ok if you cry. Don’t hesitate. Open up, express yourself and CRY. No, nobody is going to laugh at you. We are here to comfort you, soothe you, understand you and LOVE you. We know that within your iron strong body there resides a tender & kind heart. We appreciate that very much. We are proud of you.

Now, I feel like giving you a big beary hug.

Current song- Dil Cheez Kya Hai, Aap Meri Jaan Leejiye – Asha Bhosale

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Remakes Remade

Today saw the promotional clips of “Umrao Jaan” and “Don”, two much talked about remakes of the originals. My opinion? Both are going to be big flops. They might recover the money invested but no great hits.

Umrao Jaan- Agreed, Aishwariya Rai is extremely beautiful but she is no match to what Rekha was in original Umrao Jaan. I don’t have anything against Ash. She must have played her role with all honesty but I can’t think of anybody else close to the character of Umrao Jaan other than Rekha. The character of Umrao was of a dusky girl from a middle class family. I feel that Ash looks too regal to even look like that character, leave alone playing it.

Also, the evergreen songs sung by Asha Bhosale “Justjoo jiski ki thi, usko to na paaya humne”, “Dil cheez kya hai, aap meri jaan leejiye” and “In aankhon ki masti” are still so admired and full of emotions that they can’t be overlooked (heard) by new songs sung by Alka Yagnik. The magic of Asha Bhosale’s voice is missing completely.

Don- Though I am an out and out fan of SRK but sorry to say that this role doesn’t suit him at all. I am an ardent fan of Amitabh Bachchan also. The original Don had something so macho in his character.. the voice, the physique, the way he walked & talked.. The whole thing is missing from this remake.
I am not talking about the height or the voice only; the whole persona of Don is missing.

Poor SRK has to resort to other methods to mach that Don of yesteryears. Neither he has voice nor the height of senior AB to do justice to the role. Ok, ok, don’t say that even Godfather was of medium height but then he was THE Godfather with other adjectives attached to him.

Lots of close-ups of SRK in the movie to concentrate on his plus points to make him look like a Don e.g. SRK has to twist his fingers in a particular style while smoking/holding ciggie, show his angry eyes to give the scene an appeal or the way he puts on his sun-glasses etc. The director has tried hard by showing only SRK’s moving feet with supporting background music because the moment he’s shown in full, the very effect of being a Don goes away.

Again, the famous song “Ye mera Dil Pyar ka diwaana, Diwaana diwaana, yaar ka diwaana” sung by Asha Bhosale is filmed on Kareena & SRK. It looks horrible.

I don’t think this dialogue “Jeetna meri zid hi nahi, meri aadat hai” of this generation’s Don will save the film.

Again, nothing against new singers, new actors but remake of a good movie is just not right. Why do they have to spoil the charm created by originals?

Current song- Woh ho Kagaz ki kashti, Woh Baarish ka Pani – Jagjit Singh

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Mulgi Shikli Pragati Zhali – I

When I shifted to Mumbai, little did I know I would be showered by such pleasant surprises on a day-to-day basis.

Right from its rains to local trains,

Missing zebra crossings to manners of road crossing,

Never ending road repairs to state of affairs

Life so vibrant, people so resilient

Ganpati Visarjan to Navratri Dandiyas,

The Hindi jargon to to to (Oh, forget it)... Oh, everything was so very different.

Wow ! It was going to be fun filled Mumbai for someone as remotely connected to it as me. I was enthralled by its powerfully diverse eloquence. Today I will talk about only one of those - the language… the Mumbaiya bhasha that has fascinated me immensely.

There are many instances, which made me look bamboozled. Here, I have jotted down some of them.

Well, to start with, even before coming to Mumbai, I was aware that some of the kitchen stuff / vegetables are called differently in Mumbai like Potato/onion are batata/kanda, salt is meeth. Egg would become baida and pyaaz ke pakode would be nicely replaced by kanda bajjiya’s …so far so good, I could deal with them easily on daily basis.

But hold on.... there was a lot more in store for me.

Once our maid forgot to bring her umbrella. “Subah subah ghaai mein bhool gayi”. Ghaai??? Or was it ghia? But then ghia also didn’t make any sense here. Ghia happens to be a vegetable in north India. How could she forget her umbrella in a vegetable? Maybe a slip of tongue. I gave some work to my ever-alert brains. Oh I see, all she wanted to say that she left it in a vegetable shop while buying ghia. I pat myself for having such a presence of mind.

One morning my colleague came panting to the office. “Train mein kitna Gardi tha aaj”. Gardi???

Darn!! Here comes another alien word for me. But I don’t give up so easily. Being an introvert, instead of asking him what is he talking about, I coaxed my smart brains to start working again.

Hmmm hmm hmm “Garmi” & “Sardi” are two weather conditions I know and maybe this “Gardi” was somewhere between them. I rolled my eyes with utmost joy. Yessss, I had guessed it right. So, they call it “Gardi”. How sweet of Mumbai people to think of such a lovely intermediate name.

Gardi = (Garmi + Sardi) + a touch of Humidi(ty).

My seventh sense reconfirmed my logic. Oh, if only I had applied my logical brains while programming, I would have got double promotions all the time (My eyes are now set for PM’s post).

Ok ok, come to the point now. So, that’s why this poor guy is panting so heavily. I smiled back to him “Yeah, aajkal bahot gardi hai, especially in this monsoon season”. He gave me a strange look, without uttering a word.

Nevertheless, I was amazingly surprised at my intelligence level and grasping power. I congratulated myself at the rate I was picking up the local vocab. My confidence level had reached a new height.

Recently, when employing the new maid, I did my two-bit to ask her a few questions. Confidently I asked “Kya-kya karogi?” Among other things, she made gesture of folding clothes and said “Kapde ka Ghadi lagake rakhegi”.

Ghadi??? Oh ok, she’d fold the clothes on time. Eh? What’s the big deal? She has to do it anyways on time or else why on earth are we paying her so much? Being a Sunday I was home and my mother thanked me for my presence at that moment; she couldn’t have handled this kind of interpretation alone. Brainy me. :))

To be continued…

Current song- Chookar Mere Man ko, Kiya Tune Kya Ishara – Kishore

Monday, September 18, 2006


Finished reading ‘Coma’ by Robin Cook. A classic medical thriller. Always wanted to read this book since the day I saw the movie based on this novel. Those who are familiar with medical background or hospital scenes will definitely enjoy this piece of reading.

It’s about a girl; a third year medical student, who suddenly comes across two comatose cases and against all odds, tries to find out the real cause. Why some young people who come to the famous hospital for minor surgeries go into coma with no known cause and such cases are on the rise. The whole anecdote finishes in just four days. Sounds interesting? Read the book. :)

Current song- Nishana Tula Disla Na – Suresh Wadkar

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Work Definition

I work hard and my boss hardly works.

Current song- Jiya Na Jaaye Tere Bin Saathiya – Faakhir

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Different Stages in a Female’s Life

- A foetus was aborted because it was a “she”

- A newborn female buried alive by her own mother

- An eleven-year-old girl mortgaged for Rs 5000/- by her father to pay off the debts

- A fifteen-year-old gang raped in moving car.

- Two school girls lured into flesh market in Kolkata

- A college teenager raped by a policeman in a police-chowky in broad daylight

- A maid was killed by her employer after getting impregnated by him.

- A housewife burnt alive for want of more dowry

- A 35 year old woman thrown out of the house for not bearing a male child

- A 65 year old woman was killed by her son for a paltry sum

Even after knowing how difficult it is to survive and live a long fruitful life with dignity, I am proud to be a female and would want to be born as female again and again and again...

Current song- Tum Itna Jo Muskura Rahe ho, Kya Gham Hai Jisko Chupa Rahe Ho

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Tight from Loose

Last Sunday afternoon while traveling on local train I heard some gossip going on in front seat. First class, opposite direction of traffic…I could hear all. They caught my attention when I heard something about Beckham & his wife Posh.

This is what I heard.

First passenger - Posh is no good. I don’t like her. She is wafer thin without any curves yaar.

Second passenger – No wonder, why Beckham always wanted a tight hug from Loose (Rebecca).

Current song- Aankhen bhi hoti hain dil ki zubaan

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Bravo Alcohol Lady !

Jyoti Deshmukh of Nashik took to her hands when it came to alcohol. Her husband was an alcoholic who used to come home drunk everyday and abuse her mentally, physically in front of her two little girls. A year back, when it went beyond her tolerance level, the tortures and the pains, she decided to stand up against it and started off by speaking to other ladies who had similar fates. Assembled all, they decided to do something about it - curb it from the root.

They contacted police and other related offices, distributed pamphlets, did everything they could. Slowly and slowly other people also joined in.

And today they don’t have a single alcohol shop in their area. The shops were forced to close down.

A small but powerful step. On teacher’s day I salute her. She has taught us an important lesson. Lage Raho Jyoti taai.

Current song- Priteech Jhul Jhul Pan

Friday, September 01, 2006

My First Tag

So, I was tagged - tagged for the first time on my first visit to someone’s blog. Fleiger, The Great Eagle tagged me. Ufffffff.. Why did I visit his site? Galti se mistake ho gaya.

Anyways, I tried doing that…shuffle & play & think of each song as answer to those 15 questions. This is what I got...In blue are my instant reactions.

1.How does the world see you?

American Idiot - Green day

Oh no !! Who goofed up with my list? Of all the songs, this one had to come NOW??? But..but never mind, I am an Indian, it's not for me.

2.Will I have a happy life?

Kahe ko Roye, Safal hogi teri Aaradhana – Aaradhana

Heyyy Hello, excuse me. I am not worrying …ok?

3.What do my friends think of me as?

Dost Dost na Raha – Mukesh

So, the secret is out now ;)

4.Do people secretly lust after me?

Jadu Hai Nasha Hai- Jism


5.How can I make myself happy?

Just Chill Chill Chill- MPKK

Ok, ok… No more questions on my happiness.

6.What should I do with my life?

Chappa Chappa Charkha Chale – Maachis

Now, is it a hint for me? Someone wants me to follow Gandhiji?

7.Will I ever have children?

Ek, do teen, char, paanch, che, saat, Aath, Nau, Dus, Gyareh – Tezaab

Bas, bas. Enough ! Believe me it's almost 8 hours since I played this musical game and unknowingly I am still staring at my tummy worrying..

8.What is some good advise for me?

Thodi Thodi Piya karo - Pankaj Udhaas

Now, THAT is a pretty good advice ;)… Amen..

9.How will I be remembered?

Bindu re Bindu - Padosan

Cuckoo re Cuckoo would have been better, I guess.

10.What's my signature dancing song?

Soniye, Tu Hi Tu hi Meri Manzil – Aksar

At last, something nice coming my way.. :)

11.What's my current theme song?

Rim Zhim gire Sawan, Sulag Sulag Jaaye Man

Arre, Baarish ke mausam me aur kya girega? On a serious note-something that I love… rains and this song.

12.What do others think is my current theme song?

Aaj Main Upar Aasman Neeche- Khamoshi

Matlab??? They are sending me to GOD abhi se?? Can’t they think of something better for me?

13.What shall they play at my funeral?

Where's the party tonight? – KANK

WHATTTTTTTTT???????? Now I know the meaning of “Aaj Main Upar, Aasman Neeche”

14.What type of men/women do I like?

Agar Tum Mil Jao Zamana Chhor Denge Hum – Zeher

Now, that's a commitment from my side… ;) but but but.. by looking at the response of Q12 & Q13, I am not very optimist. Abhi to Zamana mujhe chordne ki baat kar raha hai.

15.How's my love life?

Piya Tu Ab to Aaja - Asha & RD Burman

Do I need to comment on this?

Now, I am thinking of who should I tag. Hmmm let it be a surprise. And yes, no more tags for me puleeeeese.

Current song- Another Brick In The Wall – Pink Floyd