Saturday, November 04, 2006

Are we bold enough?

Are we bold? Are we bold enough to admit things? To accept things? To refuse things? There are many actions that we do without realizing or without giving it a thought.

Boy meets girl. They like each other and start going out. After sometime boy wants to go one step ahead. Girl wants to refuse but.. but thinks she would hurt him, lose him if she does so. She succumbs to his demands. Later, she regrets. What went wrong here? And why?

A boy joined medical college. Ragged by seniors in front of all to the limits of humiliation. Next step? He committed suicide.

How many of us would stand up and oppose that ragging? Or fight with a bunch of hooligans on a lonely road? Or stand by a rape victim? Or stop that drunkard who is beating his heavily pregnant wife right in the middle of the road?

Most of the times we just close our eyes like a cat or an ostrich .. pretending that everything is normal. We should mind our own business. Nothing has happened and nothing unusual is going to happen. Why do we do so ? What is stopping us?

Are we bold enough to accept the existence of homosexuals or the living-in relationship especially in not so urban India? Are we ready to happily accept unwed mothers ?

Are we courageous enough to refuse our senior when he commands us to be a part of corrupt system? And are we bold enough to stand and yell at this damn rotten world, “Enough is Enough!!”?

We expect everyone else to be bold and gutsy: not us.

And when that someone else is courageous enough to take a daring step, we somehow want to follow his shadow because we know he is right and by following him we might gain something which we always wanted to, but never had the courage to ask for or fight for.

Yes, I said follow his shadow. We don’t want to walk beside him lest we might face the wrath along with him. More than cowards, we are scared. Scared to face the consequences, scared to face the ire of society, scared to face the world.

We think of others first. What my boyfriend, my family, my friends, my society will think about it if I listen to my inner soul and do things differently ? Do I have the guts to lose them or face them? So, we try to be a part of masses and keep suffering. As long as someone else tries to change the scenario, it is fine with us. After all, if at all things change, we are also going to be benefited.

Perhaps, we are selfish somewhere.

I don’t believe in the saying “If you can’t beat them, join them”. NO. I won’t join them. I would prefer to stand alone far away from the crowd even if I am not doing anything.

I am sorry if my views are too strong or raw for you but... Ok, will try to make the topic more lighter.

Well, we all have some fantasies about many things in life, which we dare not discuss with others.. maybe, sometimes with our very close friends who also have similar inclination but definitely not with our elders. But can we accept it?

Tell me, how many of you have watched or have thought of watching a porn movie sometime in life? Or don’t get taken aback when you see a seventeen year old buying condoms from a chemist shop? Or have you never wondered how a prostitute or a strip dancer undresses in front of strangers without even a blink of shyness ?

It is not possible and it should not be, that we always accept in front of this world. World.. society.. families.. close friends and finally our own self. The big large sphere reduces to a single central point. Can we be true to that single point at least?

To me, that seventeen year old who bought condoms is more truthful and honest to himself and to the world than most of us. And yes, he was bold enough to go to the shop.

Wanted to recount something about my college days but decided against it, as it was becoming very lengthy post. Some other time or maybe a post script to it. :)

There are many dark secrets in our lives, which we would want to keep under covers. We always try to pretend to be all goodie-goodie persons. And of course we are so!! Just because we have those forbidden thoughts or desires, we do not become bad persons. Just because we peeped at other pretty girls over the shoulder of our wives, we do not become unfaithful husbands. But Alas !! It stops there.

If any of my family members read this post, they won’t be shocked. They don’t know about any of my fantasies but they accept that their own Cuckoo can also have some.

Yes, even I have those so-called forbidden inclinations. Being a female doesn’t make me any different. I would definitely want to watch a porn movie sometime in my life..never seen, only heard about them and I am bold enough to admit about my this fantasy. Are you?

Current song- Pal Pal Pal Har Pal, Kaise Katega Har Pal – Sonu & Shreya


sparkle said...

did u by any chance get inspiried by my tag declaration. the lonely victim? ha ha ha!
the truth is it is easier to accept you didn't rather than accept that you can't do anything. thats what my friends did, they ignored me so that they didn't have to know that i was struggling.
human being become cats when times are bad they believe if they close their eyes, they can't see anyone so no one can see them.

SiD said...

Excellent post..
I do admit that some times due to various pressures - be it seniors(as u said) or parents or peer pressure... we do things which is not correct and is against our conscious... And yes it takes courage to Stand against something Alone...many can walk in 'shadows' but being the shadow - that's the challenge..
There are times when going with the flow I have also overlooked the right and felt pathetic later... Though after reading this post.. i am going to be more vigilant of such lapses now...
All the best with your fantasy by the way...being such a globe trotter hard to believe that it is still not a reality for u..and never ask I guy if he has experienced that fantasy of yours.. the answer is obvious..

Hazel Dream said...

phoenix is spreading her wings from ashes of morality .
Hmm I agree to the gist of it . but somehwre we know a sweet lie is better them bitter truth .
Yes I watch Porn movies ( very often)
Yes I have ragged my Juniors , Yes I have broken many rules of moral being.
but life is bever easy to understand
But Yes I am the biggest Sinner

BBC said...

When I was young I had a few relationship problems, but not like I do these days. And it seems that you young folks are having the same problem. Sigh, the world is getting too complex isn't it?

Nice blog, have fun with it.

Cuckoo said...

No, I didn't get inspired by ur declaration. After your comments I saw your post. I had this in my head for last 3-4 days. Today got time so wrote it.
Anyways, welcome again. I guess you gonna be a regular here. :)

If I am able to make even 0.0001 % difference to your thoughts, that's an achievement for me!
being such a globe trotter hard to believe that it is still not a reality for u Does globe trotting means that to you ??
And you are great, you admitted it!!

Hazel Dream the Sinner,
You are also great!! There’s nothing wrong in admitting but breaking rules again & again is a point to think. That shows you love doing that. break rules..admit, break rules..admit.. and so on??? Correct me if I am wrong.

Welcome to my blog. Glad that you liked it. Keep coming.
The world is getting too complex isn't it? Not was always complex, only the scenario keeps changing with time.

sparkle said...

i plan to be a regular. :-)
it is really difficult to go against the tide trust me. after everything i went through it still tokk me about a year or so to convince my parents that i should get a divorce. and when they realised the only option they had was to either stand with me or aginst me, they decided it was better to be with me than me leaving home.

Fleiger said...

It is very hard to answer the question without any reference. As we discussed on Sid's blog, we always find it easy to cheer somebody else who is doing good work. In many cases, its not that we are not bold enough, just that the threshold for each person is different (and I agree this might be just another way of saying I don't want to andanger my comfortable routine)

SiD said...

globe trotting doesnt mean that.. but what i have heard of people who have trotted outside india - it seems that such things are common on normal television channels in europe and US.. so I was wondering.. if you had not come across such a channel some fine day :)
any is easiest thing to get in india...

and yes.. there is a certain thrill in breaking rules.. isn't it..(refering to ur answer to hazel dreams)

Hazel Dream said...

well dear , hope u understand the diffrence between Morality and Ethics .
These are not mistakes . these may be immoral but not unethical . thse are the choice of an individual , not approved by some narrow minded PPL

sparkle said...

i rad this particular piece again and have to admit that till i didn't go through hardships in life and experience pain in the true sense i didn't really think about others. today when i look at someone in pain i do more than looking and help them stand up and fight their battles.

Cuckoo said...

it is really difficult to go against the tide.. Exactly!!, It’s very difficult but your case was different. Looking at the bad experience you had from marriage, your parents should have supported you from the day one.. actually speaking, it was them who were reluctant to go against the norms (taking divorce is still considered bad, everyone would want the marriage to work).

Good going girl, going against the norms for betterment is always welcomed & applauded. You are on the right path.

Completely in agreement with you. Each person has different threshold and we would be fools if we think they should be same.
Reference? Well, I gave many in the post. LOL.. Relax!! The post is about boldness. My purpose was not to ask you whether you’ve watched any porns or not. If I want to know that I'll ask you separately.. akele mein ;) hahaha..

I was wondering.. if you had not come across such a channel some fine day :) LOLL. You are talking abt tv ? The countries I have been to, I have seen it live !! Of course not to that extent. Not going into discussions here. If I become that bold someday, probably yes.. As Fleiger rightly said about thresholds, I too have my threshold. :) And it depends what area we are looking at.

it is easiest thing to get in india... Hmm interesting.. maybe for you guys..hostel life, job away from family. I was never that fortunate ;)

Hazel Dream
I agree with you when you say these are an individual’s choices & not mistakes but what about the example I gave for ragging? Where would you place that – ethical or unethical ? All these unethicals and immorals are fine within a certain limit.
Pulling someone’s leg again & again or even watching porn is ok unless it starts affecting people around you.
I am sure you understood my viewpoint.

Alka said...

My God, what a nice post and even so enlightening comments. I am glad that you left your link at my blog. Its a very thought provoking post and many will call you old fashioned for writing such a post, but I think its timeless. Hope to read more such posts soon.

Cuckoo said...

Nice to see you again. Heyy don't tell me that you had lost my link !! You've commented a few times on my blog. Bad, very bad.. now I'll have to regularly visit your blog just to leave my link kya? :P

Old-fashioned ??? If it is old-fashioned then I am happy to be that. :))

niki yokota said...

oh im sorry to hear abt the suicide!! society is corrupt..
so many unwed mothers in my country, girls dont refuse their boy frens sex drive.
i wish girl like u will increase.
i watch porn sometimes tho. *blush*
thank u sooooo much!!!!

Fleiger said...

Oh, I was talking about references in general, not for your post. And I was not talking specifically about porn, our actions in general... ;)
Now that you have stated the subject, agree with Sid. You get a whole lot of exposure when you are in some countries, and even in India, it is easy. I think one of the stages in your growth is where it is an integral part of any slumber party at friend's place when his parents are out of town ;)

White Forest said...

To accept things?

sometimes...we simply arnt....we go with the flow ...get hurt!

Maverick said...

There are many dark secrets in our lives, which we would want to keep under covers. We always try to pretend to be all goodie-goodie persons.

very true.i agree even im not bold enuf, but thts the way it is.but one thing i can say for sure is tht if being silent is gonna harm another person or society in general,jus be bold and revolt agains u said, people will join up and i see this quite positively.

and also there is a thin line between privacy and secrecy, we all have our fantasies and dreams and pasts but we dont go around saying all of them to may not be tht we r not bold enuf to admit things or say them to others, we might want to keep those private things private, so this discern between privacy and secrecy is a must.

Mayank said...

What a post! Once again you chose a topic we are so wary to dicuss,. Don't say you don't want to become a are going to become one. We wont let you go otherwise. Note that. lollllll

Yes, i also have some fantasies.
yes, i have ragged a junior, watched porns with friends & also with my wife.
When I was 19 I went to a prostitute with my friend but when I saw her naked, I became nervous & ran away. Couldn't do anything and after that never been there. lolllll

artnavy said...

it takes a lot to come out of the closet and stand up for what you believe- however tame or volatile teh subject

hope u stay that way

Cuckoo said...

The picture is painted same all over the world, the shade varies.
You watch porn?? Good going ;)

Oh, even I was talking in general so asked you to relax ! Porn & other examples I gave to lessen the effect of strong views, I thought it had become very heavy.

it is an integral part of any slumber party at friend's place when his parents are out of town As I said in my comments to SiD, I was never that fortunate ;)

White forest,
Welcome once again. If you become frequent here, I’ll become informal & stop saying these words ;)

First, the answer to “how much bold is bold enough” is very difficult. But yeah, as you rightly said, if being silent is gonna harm another person or society in general, jus be bold and revolt against it. would be good enough. :) That was the gist of my post.

there is a thin line between privacy and secrecy,,, Very true. I think it should be privacy & boldness. Even I would not like anyone to intrude my privacy at any cost..(some of the things are just for me) but there are ppl who according to me do not even know the difference! This is slightly going off topic but since you started this, I’ll just give an example which made me horribly sick. I didn’t want to write about it. To even think of it makes me puke.

There was a case of newly wed couple where the husband recorded EVERYTHING from their first night till their honeymoon on video, showed as a sign of boldness (read achievement) to his friends & now the CD is freely available in Palika Bazar of New Delhi. What do you say about that? Where is his privacy gone? Just to think of that poor girl who happens to be his wife now. Ohh, it’s making me sick again.

Fleiger said...

P*&n to lighten the mood? (Sorry, didn't want to use the word or you will start getting people searching for it landing here) That's a good idea ;) Though it was not as heavy as "crying" post. (That is going to be benchmark for your posts now)

And then again, that is not something you show your "liberal" thinking by. If you have watched a couple kiss in public and not been shocked by it, you are liberal enough...

adi said...

be the change you want to see in this world...
take care

Tarun said...

BTW, I am done with your tag

Maverick said...

i understand how heinous it is. that's y do i say there is a thin line between privacy and being bold.

Cuckoo said...

We wont let you go otherwise… Leave that choice to me please. :)
I became nervous & ran away… LOLLL No comments. ;)

Welcome to my blog. Agree with you. And Thanks. Hope you liked this blog. Keep visiting.

Ohh Sorry, I didn’t notice that !! I was so much engrossed in my thoughts that it didn’t strike me at all. Yes, I don’t want that kind of public here. Thanks for telling me. I’ll keep that in mind. :)))
That is going to be benchmark for your posts now.. Oh no, you are setting tough standards for me like CMMI-level 5 when I am at level 1.

Welcome once again to my blog. Keep coming & I’ll stop welcoming you with these formalities. ;)

Oh Thanks.. I’ll check your blog by this evening .

You understand my viewpoint well. Thanks. :)))

Pyare Mohan said...

We are the prisoners of our own fears... Our fears emerge from the fact that many of us live for others. We restrict ourselves for the fear of falling in other people's eyes, be it elders, friends, spouses. Probably the entire fun in life is to live without any regrets, by living for your self. And if we live for others, keep no expectations from them. Do it for others, but you should do it to satisfy YOUR OWN soul... Probably that is when everyone will be happy... Dont seek happiness, just be happy!!! ;-)

Fleiger said...

But you already finished a level 5 project...

Bendtherulz said...

I am total pro when it comes to fighting for something which I feel strongly about.
With slight difference -my adage is - you give advise or help where it is asked for....!
During my college days - in the bus I was trying to help out a girl who was getting very fidgety in the presence of this guy...(obnoxious fellow), however guess what who was thrown out of the Bus - ME...yeah because when it came to backing me up - that girl in question started telling us ,just to let go of issue.
Fantasy ....hmmm...I am all for trying to fulfill as much you can on that score for others personally I am more of a dreamer....!
Porn - really !! Ok just one thing to tell you - steer clear of Hindi version( its just the posters and names - they are hilarious " hasin jawani " types...or even " sexy cats"

sharda said...

All the points you raised were rhetorical,but valid.No one wants to go off track.The reason is obvious that, some cant and some don't.

Cuckoo said...

Pyare Mohan,
Interesting name ;) Welcome to my blog. Keep visiting.
You are very much right !!

What can I say now? I will have to stop writing then. :((

I am total pro when it comes to fighting for something which I feel strongly about.. Glad to know that ! Keep it up dude! We need people like you.
Btw, It's high time now. When are you starting your own blog?

Welcome to my blog.
All the points you raised were rhetorical, but valid... So, you say that we can not do anything about it, right? Well, that’s the sad part about it.

Sigma said...

Cuckoo, I scanned through this post of yours earlier (courtsey google reader), but did not have time to read it fully, which I really wanted to. The subject you have raised is defnitely thought provoking, and jolts one into introspection.
You are right, we (the humanity as a whole) have become very selfish - we are not bold enough to stand for what we believe is right. We are afraid of consequences, but we still wish someone, someone else of course, to raise a voice against injustice. So, we wait for somebody to take the first step, and then "follow in their shadow". At times, we are too scared to do that even, and keep content watching from a distance - cheering from the sidelines, hidden in a crowd.
I have been guilty of this crime too, but their are times when it made it difficult for me to live with myself. There were times (much fewer than they should have been) when I have raised my voice - there were occasions when I faced the consequences, but there were times when my fears turned out to be baseless. I am still scared, but I hope that in future I should be able to stand up more often. I see that there are others who feel the same way; and if all of us make a concious effort, perhaps we will be able to make a tiniest bit of difference.

Cuckoo said...

Exactly !! You have repeated my words girl ! Thanks for voicing your opinion. I agree with you if we make a conscious effort, we will definitely make a difference. Initial fears will go away when we start seeing the positive results though at first they would be in a very small way.
Let us make the difference.

Hmmm.. On thought provoking post ??? Have you read my this post, which is rated by public as my best till now? A CMMI Level 5 post? :P

Keshi said...

we r bold enough to admit things only when we gain from it. thats human nature. it takes extra guts to admit it when we r wrong.


Tarun said...

I think I commented on this post before saying I was done with the tag or it's just my 256k memory ;)

Pyare Mohan said...

well here is a definition i had read recently about the word FEAR
False Emotions Appearing Real!!

Cuckoo said...

Welcome back to blogworld!

Heyy you have not commented for this post!! You came, announced that your tag is done & that's it. And this time also !!
You really need to upgrade your 256K ;)

Pyare Mohan,
Nice definition. Do you really think so?? BTW, nice name, once again ;)
Reminds me of Dharmendra in Chupke-Chupke. :)))

Pyare Mohan said...

just like in chupke chupke... its a pseudo name ;-) by the way u have got the image of Tum in your profile... Do you like it so much?

Gangadhar said...

yeah you're right one need more and more courage to admit things..A thoughtful post here,Cuckoo..
And i wanna confess one me trying to bold enough..hehe..It's..When i was in first yr of engineering,we,a couple of friends tried to watch a porn movie in a friend's home..Those were the days of video casettes and VCRs..Rented a casette..and tried the whole night to watch it because we all failed to set the VCR..It was all a mess..lolzzz

Cuckoo said...

Pyare Mohan,
Of course I like it very much !

Lolllz.. You must be very disappointed na? ;)

BTW, what do you think of this post? Is it old-fashioned? See what Alka has said in her comments but she's right in one thing. My comments section is equally interractive in holding the discussions on the topic.

Pyare Mohan said...

Did you know that Tum has a band-aid on her knee and Hum was responsible for that?

Anyways, Old fashioned? Fashion is never old... it just keeps recycling... like fashion is sometimes like dressing up in fig leaves and then it sometimes comes back to fully clad burkah's... and repeat and repeat

Or probably fashion is like problems in our life... it just keeps changing its form but is always there!!!
I think i need a nap... phew! ;-)

Fleiger said...

Not stop writing, maintain the level, as you so admirably are doing :)

Bendtherulz said...

Very soon !! Its already up.....not many post....and don't say you were not! Rush job today...will leave the link with your tag message....! It was know more about Missy Cuckoo...!!

Cuckoo said...

Pyare mohan,
Yes, I know that. Hope you had a nice sleep. :)

Awwww.. I am flaterred... ;)

Gimme gimme... waiting for the link !

desi mom said...

I am 33 year old Desi woman living in the US for the last 10 years. I have seen a few porn movies with my husband. Sometimes it is a turn on and sometimes not. Like everything, it seems like a bid deal till you actually try it. My biggest fantasy is how it would be to make love with Abhishek Bachchan:-) Now that is a fantasy.

Sigma said...

Cuckoo, I read the post you referred .... well, what can I say, except that it well deserves the CMM level 5 certification :-)
Great work gal!

Cuckoo said...

Desi Mom,
Welcome once again to my blog. Well, as each individual is different, his fantacy is also going to be different. Since you've already seen porn movies many times, it's no more a fantasy for you.
Ask a poor hungry child on a roadside.. his fantasy would be just a stomach filing meal.
Thanks for visiting. Keep coming.

Thank you very much. :))

mathew said...

was going through your blogs and loved this one..brutally true..

but i guess being bold for the good reasons and the bad makes a lot of difference..

sometimes being being bold turns out to be plain arrogant..

thanx for droppin by..

Cuckoo said...

Welcome to my blog. Glad to know you liked it. Have you gone thru my all posts ?? Pls do when you have time. There are not many as I am still a kid in this blogworld. But people have liked some of the posts very much. I am sure you'll also like them.

Thanks for your visit. Looking forward to more such visits :))